Sunday, December 30, 2012

resolutions 2013

Already? Anyone other than me still questioning how y2k already came and went? 13 years ago....

In 2013 I resolve to:
Be nicer
Complain less
Put less junk into my body
More fun with the kids
Less worry about the little things that are out of my control
A new job?
More Church involvement


Sunday, December 9, 2012

on being a mother

being a mother is the hardest job i can imagine having.  i love my children to the moon and back again around the world and up and down - and loving them is a tough gig.  i worry.  i fret.  

i tend to believe that i worry to an unhealthy extent.  i am fragile.  i am broken.  i have good days and i have bad days, but daily i worry and worry and worry.  i exhaust myself thinking about all the what ifs and what nots that could happen to make my children unhappy or unhealthy.  

i spend most nights praying constantly that they stay well and stay asleep.  i lose sleep praying that they will sleep.  i stay awake praying that they rest.  i hear a cough and i fly awake and begin praying again.  my air or heat kicks on or off and i pop awake and start to worry.  there are a few hours each day when i am not worrying.  if i had to guess i would say it was between the hours of noon and 4.  

i can't imagine my life without these little humans.  i don't have any idea how people make it through the loss or serious illness with a child.  my life would be destroyed.  i couldn't go on.  i cry just thinking about it.  

i dread becoming a mother to adults.  how does that even work?  when they are making their own decisions and they live on their own...what will i do then?

i will pray.  i will pray like i do now and i will work hard to make sure that i don't damage them.  i will work hard from then until now to make sure they do a better job than i do at being a christian.  i will push them to be a better human than me.  i will encourage them to make the world a better place through their work and their philanthropy.

i love them.  

Fear Not

Today in Church Pastor Greg preached a spin, a good spin, on the Christmas story.  In Luke 2:9-10 the Angel of the Lord comes to the shephards of the field and they are terrified.  The angel tells them to not be afraid because today is born Christ Jesus our Savior.  The point of his message is that this tiny passage in the Bible is something that all of us worriers can rest our fears on. 

His message hit pretty close to home with this Mama.  Man, I worry with the best of them.  I cannot imagine what my life would be like without worry.  I worry mainly about my children.  I pray nightly for some semblance of peace and rest without being concerned about my babies.  I trust in God above all and I know that there are Angels watching over my children every second of the day - but the CRAZY part of me - causes fear and worry to be my constant companion.  

I need some serious prayer and guidance.  I will pray more and worry less.  I will rest my fear in the Lord.  


Christmas Traditions

at Dad's on Christmas Eve he reads the Christmas Story after dinner and before gift exchange.  I want to start reading it on Christmas Eve before bed too.  

Luke 2:7-14 (NIV-ish)

7...and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.
And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. 12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
13 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
    and peace on earth goodwill toward men."