Monday, November 17, 2008

If I only had the nerve....

If I only had the nerve, I would send this to them.....

Dear B and RA,
I just wanted to have an opportunity to speak my peace with you both.  I know this is written so I am not really speaking but that is a technicality.  Brad's birthday is coming 3 days.  I talked with him today and he said that he didn't think he was going to bring his girlfriend to the family dinner because he wants to ease them into the family.  You know what?!?  You all need to get off your high-horse.  So-freaking-what you all have been married and faithful for approximately one hundred and fifty years (Just to be a huge bitch I will say this - how do you know that you have both been faithful??  Bob smoked and hid that from the family, um that is lying, if you would lie about that - why not lie about sleeping with your best friend??).  You are Christian people (or you call yourselves that) and you need to learn to forgive and forget and to stop judging people.  Your family spends more time in the day judging and making fun of other people than you do breathing!  Brad and Shaundra did the wrong thing, yes.  But, you know what?  They are in love.  They are so in love - it is pretty disgusting for me - but I tolerate it because I just want them to be happy.  Everyone deserves to be happy.  How on earth do you ever expect for them to feel like they need to find a church and be involved with God when people like you (devout Church-going-Christians) cannot love them even with all their baggage.  They didn't even do anything to you!  Oh my God, Brad stained your family reputation - you know what - lots of people think you all are less than perfect....and you are!  No One is perfect except Jesus.  Get over it.  Jesus will love you more for forgiving your son and loving he and his new family more than he will if you spend all your time judging them for their misgivings.  

I have been able to begin to forgive Brad and Shaundra - it has been hard - I am not going to deny it - but I know that all things are meant to be and all things are planned by God.  He has his hand in all this "mess".  Maybe just maybe Brad will be a great father to those little girls.  Maybe just maybe Brad will love Shaundra better than he could ever love me.  Maybe just maybe you're right - it seems that you were right way back in high school when you tried to tell Brad I wasn't good enough for him.  Let me tell you what - I was good enough....I just wasn't the right one.  I was the one who showed Brad how to love, because you didn't teach him the right way.  I was the one who began to show Brad what it means to be responsible, because you didn't show him how - you just took care of things for him and then swept them under the rug.  Sweeping things under the rug does not make them go away!  It makes them add up until you have a giant lump under the rug that eventually gets tripped over.  

I am mad at Shaundra and Brad - but when I hear of all the things that Brad does for her that he would never do for me - I understand.  When I see them together now, I know.  I know it just wasn't right for Brad and I.  We had our time and now it has past, and that is fine. 

I am so very happy now, not that you care one tiny little bit.  Not even once have you thought to reach out and ask if I am ok - but I am.  I am great as a matter of fact.  I have stumbled across a man that I feel is the right one.  He has saved me from the absolute hell that you have put me through for the last 10 years and the hell that Brad and Shaundra have put me through for the last couple years.  He treats me better than I deserve.  I don't have to try to become someone I am not to appeal to him.  I don't have to be Shaundra to be loved.  I can just be me.  AND - my family can just be themselves too.  Not once has he felt the need to pass judgment on my family.  I recently met his mom and you know what?  She liked me.  She liked me, even though I come with quite a bit of baggage and damage.  What a wonderful feeling.  I am sure there will be a time when she and I don't see eye to eye - but you two never even gave me the chance to get there.  You never allowed me into your family the way I wanted to be.  I tried so very hard to be the person that you all thought I should be.  I lost myself in trying to become someone you would approve of.  

Please don't damage another life the way you damaged mine.  Yes, Brad and Shaundra did the wrong thing, but it just isn't your place.  Just love them and the girls as much as you can.  Don't judge her.  She is a nice girl, who made a couple bad decisions, but it looks like those bad decisions panned out for she and your son.  They are happy.  Just be happy for them.


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